A New Perspective on Listening
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who kept interrupting even though all you wanted was for them to listen. You've probably already witnessed first-hand that when you resist or react negatively toward someone who is venting at you, or try to advise them of a better perspective, it can end up adding fuel to their fire and making things worse!
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One of my biggest pet peeves is when I am opening up to someone about some of my deepest experiences and they say "I understand completely." Not one person of this world truly knows how you feel, even to a situation that might have been similar to one of theirs. In our world, we all go through similar situations, and often times those situations need to be talked about. The unhealthy and actually unproductive way of handling that situation is to try to say that their situation is unimportant. Sometimes this idea can be portrayed literally and sometimes it's accidental. When someone approaches you as a shoulder to cry on or to rant to, be a respectful listener. Most likely saying nothing, or limiting your words is exactly what they are looking for. So often we believe that we need to fix there problem but we do so in such an unhealthy way that it's ineffective, and it often times leads to a dampening of the friendship.
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Our society today has put the idea in our head that if there is a problem, we must fix it. Life can't be fixed by just one word. The adversity in the world can't be fixed by just one word. Why do we try to do so, then, with things like our relationships. Friendships are so often destroyed upon some word that was exchanged. Think before you speak, and really listen to what the person in front of you is saying. Sometimes what we want to hear is far from what they need to hear.
The next time you find yourself in the position where you are listening to someone talk about something deep like parents fighting or stress from school, remember that those things are simply conditions but the way someone feels/reacts to such stigmas like stress are probably completely different from the way you handle it.
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Perhaps what they need is not resistance, not judgment, not your advice, nor a new viewpoint. Sometimes all they need is compassionate listening. By being a space of compassionate listening for them, you allow them to empty themselves of pain. That may be all that is required.
